Well, it appears I’ve disappeared from the social media scene for a while. Even been completely off Facebook. Gone. I’ve fallen off the face of the planet. Contemplated getting rid of every social media account I have. But, I reasoned with myself that would be silly. Maybe it was the past 8 straight days I just worked…and now I’m so tired I can’t even enjoy my day off… I feel like everyday I got home from work I was falling apart. I am falling apart. Emotionally, physically and spiritually.
|This is me this Christmas Season ha! okay not really me. But it was funny.|
There have been other personal things I’ve had to deal with this season that have had me absolutely tore up in a mix of emotion…like anger and serious frustration. I can’t seem to get my act together. I feel like such a butt! I’m generally working different shifts daily and dealing with human beings who aren’t well and I have to solve all their problems. I may be exaggerating … but just a little. I just got burned out. Trying so hard to live a full life and keep up with tweets, posts, blogs, workouts, pins….it can be mind draining. And I’m not even exactly good at any of it. You know the whole not having a computer thing and trying to do all things social from a stupid “smart phone”.
So this gave me time to reflect. Time to think. To find out why I feel what I do is never enough. Never good enough. Winter and the holiday season can be difficult for some. And I’m no exception. I won’t bore you with my whole life story (but I will say I’ve never had a stable life growing up as a child going through 4 step dads, moving countless times and never getting to see my family in Oklahoma because we got moved out here to NC. Then I got married, had a kid and divorced yada yada…see I told you it would be a long, boring story) but running has been my one vice. My one help during these times. Where I feel free and at peace. But at this moment I feel like it isn’t helping. The few runs I can get in feel hard. I’m just sad. Really, really sad. I feel lazy and unmotivated. This blog is supposed to be Flying Feet in FAITH. Where has it gone? Another reason I took time off of the social media world. To try and spend more time with the One source who can heal all broken, lonely and sad hearts. I still can’t seem to shake this funk. Usually setting some sort of goal helps. I regret to say I couldn’t stick with the #RWRunstreak due to the Christmas tree. I really can’t run on my lunch break because we have no showers or similar facilities to clean up and I’m sure my co-workers wouldn’t appreciate that…
And so it brings me to think of my goals for next year. I can not function without a goal apparently. Since being an adult I have discovered that having, setting and achieving goals brings so much satisfaction in life. I have been reading about some pretty inspiring goals such as 13×13.1 races in 2013. My problem? Even thinking about affording 13 races! Races fees can range from $25-$100+ depending on race and distance. (Another blueish kinda thing creeping up this season..trying to afford daily living and Christmas for the kid, nephews, nieces etc etc) Fun runs are generally cheaper. Maybe I could do 13 Fun Runs with my kid! ….hey. now that’s an idea. If I can sucker my little guy into that. Ha!
So now that I may have totally depressed you all with my blue Christmas spirit… I just had to get it out of my system. Lord help me get through this.
What are you goals for the new year? I have a crazy one or two. Break 22 minutes in the 5k. My fastest official time for 2012 was 24:02. I told you it was crazy. But my main goal is to run a sub-4:00 marathon. I think I can do this. My training plan will take full swing in the first week of January after the kid goes back to school and I can revive my treadmill!
|This is my Crazy reach goal for the end of 2013. My first was to break 30, then 25, then maybe 20???|
For anyone else who struggles here is a link I found:
I came across this article from Psychology Today and found it very helpful and full of practical tips- “Running Away from the Holiday Blues” from the article, “It’s the marathon that has taught me these techniques, and I have to believe they’ll work for others. In a 26.2-mile race, the last few miles can feel grueling. Unlike the first miles, when a runner feels her strongest, the last miles break her down, just as the last months of the year tax the verve right out of many of us.”
That hit home for me.