Both Grateful and Sad.

The holidays can be a bit challenging for the single mother. 
I’m grateful for a full-time job.  I’m sad that sometimes it isn’t always enough to provide the fun extras in life.
I’m grateful for a happy, healthy little boy.  I’m sad that I work so much and miss him…and feel like I fail him as a mother…(doc says his bmi is too high…how does that happen?? He’s active!…doc says he’s too hyper too… Feel like I’m missing something as a mommy here..) 
I’m grateful for a relationship with the Lord and that He sees me through every day and every challenge.  I’m sad that I don’t have that human hand to hold when life throws me into little messes, or to share the happy moments.
I’m grateful for family and friends to lean on and love.  I’m sad that half of them are across the US.
I’m grateful for a healthy and strong body and mind; for legs that can run.  I’m sad that I don’t get the opportunity to run more often.
I’m grateful for lots of things in life.  I know we are blessed beyond measure.  We have more than many in this world.  I wouldn’t be human however, if I never admitted to sadness or failure… sometimes in America when I see others enjoying worry-free shopping and having fun I feel left out.  Now I know life isn’t about material things and such…so why does it bother me?  Because I can’t give much.. I’d like to be able to give more each Christmas.

Today’s run was good for my soul.  I had a lot on my mind.  What would I do with out this amazing stress relief?  I thank God every day for strong legs, a strong heart (in more ways than one) and a strong spirit.
My first 5k is approaching soon.. only two days left.  And here I am blogging about sadness… This is no good.  I need to get off my butt and be grateful for all we are blessed with. 
This race for me isn’t just about time, speed and awards… It’s a personal journey I decided to take.  Running is good for the soul.

Okay, now for some practical words…do you run the day before a race or not?  I was planning on yoga and pilates tomorrow and maybe one mile??  Any advice?

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5 thoughts on “Both Grateful and Sad.

  1. Jess.. you do give… from your Heart! Any for those that love you this is enough! I've seen your first hand as a Mom, your are doing a wonderful job. He's healthy, happy and LOVED. Remember that what you see on the outside is not always the truth. Many marriages can “look” perfect or even great… but behind the walls of the home could be falling part. Yes you are blessed and so our those of us that know YOU! Keeping running towards God he is the ONLY one that will always be there for you in your time of need. Love Ya! Karen

  2. I feel you girl. Sometimes the commercialism part of the holidays really gets me. My head and my heart know that its not the material things in life that make you happy, in fact they often make you sadder.
    As far as your son goes. DONT SWEAT IT! I don't know you very well (yet?), but based on your posts and the comment from Karen, I'm sure you are doing your best.
    If his BMI is high (which is sometimes a joke) try to limit his sweets and junk, replace it with yummy healthy alternatives and let the boy play. I'm not sure how recent that photo is of you and him but he looks healthy to me.
    My younger brother was considered overweight in elementary and middle school and then BOOM he sprouted up and was tall and thin. I doubt its a reflection of you as a mother.

  3. Thank you for your encouraging comments! I love you too Karen!!!
    That picture is from this past summer I believe…He's kinda stocky and tall for his age. Very active but he loves cookies…lol so we are working on more veggies! We walked from school today to my sisters house (she lives in town) and he ate a small spinach salad today. Not without the gross face haha but he did it. Baby steps…

  4. Jessica- you're not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I face the same feelings every day when it comes to wanting to give more. Especially when so many others have given to us in the past!! It pains my heart that I cannot afford to help another in need. BUT… when we speak from the heart, spreading the words of our Lord and with doing so, touch someone's life or save a soul… Well, that's the BEST gift that we're EVER going to be able to give & anyone will ever receive.
    You have given so unselfishly of yourself to your beautiful son! No, our kids aren't spoiled with their every little hearts desire. Again, here's the BUUUUUT, we have spoiled their souls with the love & word of God and THAT is our purpose here on Earth. The Lord sees that and you will be rewarded! Maybe not with the materialistic things on Earth, but for sure in Heaven! 🙂
    As far as your son's 'body image'… he's perfectly fine! God didn't create us all to be thin little super models. (No offense. Hehehe. J/K!) 😉 And you would think that these doctors would understand that. The Lord created each of us to be unique. Some are just born with the 'big bone' structure. As long as he's eating right, is active and gives everything his all & best, then you have NOTHING to worry about. If you're concerned that it could be something more, ask the doctor to run some tests. Thyroid (hypothyroidism) and diabetes are big ones that hit kids and as parents we often don't know how to diagnose or even see that! They're both checked with a simple blood test. Sometimes it helps just to put your mind at ease. From what I can see, he's absolutely PERFECT!! I know you, I know your heart and I can say with 110% confidence that you are an amazing woman and mother and I am SO HONORED to know you and have you in my life. Keep your chin up sweetheart! You're doing an amazing job and I am so proud of you!! I miss and love you and your smiling, beautiful face!! <3
    <3- Laura

  5. Laura~You always have the right words to say!! Thank you so much for taking time to encourage me. It means a lot to me! How do you juggle all those kiddos?? You're like super mom! I just have the one and you see how I freak out over everything.

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